How To Unsuccessfully Envy
by Shipper Friendly
Summary: Merlin and Lancelot go out for lunch and Gwaine and Arthur really don't like that.


**Dedicated to my friend JESSIE because without her this idea wouldn't have been born.**

**Crack crack and more crack.**

It was a regular day in the kingdom. Arthur was having a sparring session with Gwaine, as it was quite a lovely spring day. Maids and manservants bustled about, happily carrying out their duties. Merlin and Lancelot were going off to lunch…

Wait.

_Merlin and Lancelot were going off to lunch!_

Suddenly, Arthur jabbed Gwaine a little _too _hard and the lusciously haired man fell over hard. Unable to see that Merlin and Lancelot were practically bouncing off to happily have lunch_together_, Gwaine was oblivious to the reason behind the prince's sudden anger.

"What's your problem?" Gwaine masculinely dusted himself off. Arthur glared behind him. With a huff, Gwaine turned around. He quickly turned red with anger. Even his hair looked furious.

"What are those two doing?" Gwaine hissed. Sensing something was wrong with his friends, the easy-going, level-headed Sir Leon quickly approached them. It didn't take long for him to sense the issue.

"They have lunch together every Friday afternoon they're both free." Leon said simply. He didn't see how that was something to get upset over.

Arthur bristled. "Since _when_?" He spat.

"Since Lancelot was knighted…" Leon tried to keep the 'duh' out of his voice. It was hard, though, since almost everyone knew of their tradition. Well obviously not _everyone_. "Why does it matter? They can go on lunch dates if they want…"

Gwaine wrinkled his nose and looked down. "I know."

Leon instantly knew what the issue was here. _Green monsters. Both of them. _He decided he was not about to get into some elementary feud. "I'll leave you two to it." With a nod, Leon walked off to take care of his own business.

—

After following them to a local pub, which was not creepy at _all_, Gwaine and Arthur approached the happily chatting friends seated in a corner booth.

"Hello, **_Mer_**lin." Arthur drawled. He looked at the pair haughtily. Gwaine, however, went for a more…_suave _approach. He slid in next to Lancelot and smoothly slipped an arm around his shoulders.

"It's a lovely day, isn't it Lance?" Gwaine smiled. Lancelot, taking this as purely a friendly gesture, smiled back. Gwaine thought he was getting somewhere until a reply came.

"It is. Merlin and I were just talking about going for a stroll after lunch!" Lancelot beamed. He looked so childishly happy that Gwaine was stunned into silence for a few moments because of Lancelot's obliviousness.

"Uhm, Arthur…" Merlin coughed awkwardly. "What are you doing here? I thought I had the day off? I don't have to work do I?" He really didn't want to get in trouble with his master. That would be bad. _Very _bad.

"As a matter of fact, you are to help me undress, help me into some nicer clothing, and then accompany me for lunch with my father!" Arthur attempted to sound as careless as possible but the anger sort of took over that. _How dare he dine with Lancelot!_

Meanwhile, Gwaine played with Lancelot's hair, making him giggle. "Gwaine, that tickles!" Lancelot attempted not blushing, but failed. His face was red with laughter. This pleased Gwaine a _lot._

"Arthur, that's ridiculous! I have the day off, you said so! You can't make me work on my day off!" Merlin protested. "I told you yesterday I was going to have lunch with Lancelot today. I refuse to do any chores."

"You're leaving with me _now_!" Arthur was acting like a moody child. He also refused to look Merlin in the eyes. Merlin could feel the jealousy pulsing off the prince and he almost laughed. Then, a brilliant plan formed in Merlin's mind. _Oh this is going to be so much fun_.

He faked a sigh of sadness. "I'm sorry Lancelot. I guess our _date _will have to be rescheduled." He then shrugged and sent a wink at the oblivious knight. This aggravated Gwaine much to Merlin's delight. _Double the fun!_

With that, a fuming Arthur grabbed Merlin and pulled him out of the pub.

"So…" Gwaine started. "You and Merlin?"

"I don't know. I guess so!" Lancelot shrugged.

With that, Gwaine stomped off towards the training fields to beat up a knight-in-training.

—

Over the next week, Lancelot still hadn't caught on to Merlin's plan. Merlin made sure that whenever Arthur was looking, he was touching Lancelot. At one point, they were passing Arthur in the halls and Merlin laughed loudly. Lancelot was confused for a while, as he had been telling the story of how his childhood pet rabbit had been killed and eaten in a moment of desperation.

Finally, on their Friday afternoon lunch, Lancelot had to break some bad news to Merlin.

"I don't think this is working anymore." He said gently. Merlin was confused for a moment.

"Our lunches?"

"No, our relationship."

"Our…_oh_." Merlin realised just exactly what was going on here. _Lancelot thinks we're dating…ohhhhh…..awkward. _"No, Lancelot, we're not-"

"It's not you, it's me…"

"Lan-"

"I found someone else."

Merlin nearly started laughing at the genuine gentleness Lancelot had. He had to be the most brilliant knight Merlin ever met. _Arthur doesn't count. _

"It's really okay. We're not…" Merlin composed himself from almost laughing. "…dating!"

Lancelot paused. "Really? What about when you grabbed my hand when we were walking around the city? Or when you said we were on a date last week? Or when you hugged me out of nowhere right after a training session?"

Merlin hesitated to answer. The reasoning was quite embarrassing once he thought about it for a moment. "Uhm…it's a long story. We're friends, okay? We were never _dating_. But…who exactly is it that you've found?" Merlin would bet everything on it being Gwaine.

"It's…uhm…don't laugh, okay?" Lancelot knew he wasn't good enough for Gwaine. But it didn't stop him from loving the handsome man. After swearing he wouldn't laugh, Merlin urged on Lancelot a little more. "It's Gwaine." He said quietly.

"Gwaine?" _I knew it!_

"Gwaine." Lancelot nodded, growing red. "I know I'm not exactly his _level_ but I do think he's very…great." With a burning face, he looked down at the table.

_SCORE!_ Merlin smiled. "Lancelot, don't be down on yourself! Gwaine likes you. Haven't you noticed he can't keep his hands off you?" Lancelot looked up with a small smile on his face.

"You think so?"

"I _know_ so!" Merlin grinned childishly. "As a matter of fact, I'll _show_ you!"

—

Merlin ran to the training grounds with Lancelot on his heels. "Where are we going?"

"To get your man!" Merlin laughed. Love made him giddy. _Arthur makes me giddy too._

"What about yours?" The smirk was evident in Lancelot's voice. Merlin almost tripped over his own feet at the comment. _Am I that obvious? Well…actually…I guess I am…_

Soon enough, they were at the training grounds where they found Arthur and Gwaine once again duelling it out. It was actually a pretty intense match. Both men had plenty of pent up anger from their "loves" being preoccupied with each other. The real amusement came when Gwaine noticed Lancelot watching him.

Immediately, the swoon-worthy guy began to flip his hair while fighting and attempted to look as sexy as possible. This, of course, did not work at all and soon Arthur had him pinned on the ground, sword raised over his chest.

"Got distracted there, Gwaine? What, is your lover boy running through your head again?" Arthur snickered as he helped him up to his feet. Gwaine made a face at the prince and pointed behind him.

"Actually, _your _lover boy is watching us too." Gwaine smirked. "Go get 'em, crowned prince!"

Arthur sneered at Gwaine. Suddenly, the hair found himself being dragged towards the other pair by the arm. "What do you think you're doing, Arthur?"

"Helping _you _out, coward!" He muttered before coming to a stop in front of Lancelot and Merlin. "Hello, Lancelot! Gwaine has something he wants to tell you!" Gwaine was then shoved at Lancelot by a fake-smiling prince.

"Let's take a walk, shall we?" Gwaine put an arm around his almost his man's shoulders and lead him down a path. This left Arthur and Merlin, who had hardly spoken that week besides direct orders and 'Yes, sire's, to stand alone. Staring at each other. Uncomfortably.

"So…you and _Lancelot_?" Arthur had nothing against the loyal knight, in fact he was quite fond of the man himself, but he was stealing _his _Merlin from him and that did _not _settle well. At all.

"No. Not really." Merlin grinned. "Why? Jealous?"

Arthur sputtered. Although he was jealous as jealous could get, he wasn't about to admit that to_Merlin _of all people. "No…I mean…maybe…a little…but…come _on_, **_Mer_**lin, I'm _much _better looking than _him_!" The words came out in a rush of anger. Arthur was instantly embarrassed, but he couldn't stop now. "I mean, sure, he's nice and understanding but _honestly. _I could be just as good to you as he!"

"Arthur-"

"And we have much more history! I know I'm not very nice all the time but-"

"Arthur."

"-it's only because I love you and that's the only way I know how to show it and with every**_Meeeeeeeer_**lin I only mean I love you-"

_Why doesn't anyone listen to me the first time around? _"ARTHUR PENDRAGON, _LISTEN_!" Merlin sassed. He then gripped Arthur's shoulders. "I love you too, you clotpole. I was just messing with you this last week because I knew you were being a jealous prat last Friday." Merlin planted a nice, simple kiss on Arthur's lips. "There. Now we're a couple!" Merlin smiled widely.

_That insufferable _id_iot! Stupid stupid…_ Arthur thought. _Damn him for being so loveable. _

Not knowing what to say outloud, Arthur stood there stuttering for a moment. It was un-princely, but it's not like he could help it. You'd stutter too if the secret love of your life just kissed you.

Finally, he composed himself enough to speak. "You're a sneaky one, Merlin! Very sneaky!"

Merlin shrugged. "It's just another lovable trait of mine!" He then grabbed Arthur's hand. "Let's go celebrate with a nice Friday night dinner. Perhaps we could talk your father into letting me join you all!" Arthur snorted. "Okay, well, I said _try_."

That night at dinner, everyone was jovial. (Well, except for Uther, but he's never jovial - not even on "Free Turkey Leg Day"). And if Lancelot and Gwaine started making out at the table, no one was bothered. And if Arthur and Merlin played footsie the whole time, even though Merlin was barely welcomed to dine with them, no one even commented.

Gwen looked on from afar at the happy homosexuals. She sadly sighed aloud. All of a sudden, she felt arms around her waist.

"Oh Gwen, you don't need a man. You got me." Morgana whispered into her ear. Gwen giggled and turned to give Morgana a kiss on the lips. "You came back for me!" Morgana twirled Gwen around in a circle and promised that she'd always come back for the maid.

All was gay.


End file.
